I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
