Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
