His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
