I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
