it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
