Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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