tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
