We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
