I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
