He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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