OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
