quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
pray to the hookup gods
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
