all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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