but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Boobs speak an international language.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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