how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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