Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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