I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
