Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
