i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
