Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have tasted many bathrooms
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
