Tell her she can't have a vagina
Please, let me fuck your mom
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
