So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
