i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
