the condom got lost in my hair
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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