if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
