I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
