You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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