the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
