honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
