apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Found your dick twin last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
