My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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