I think scott just propositioned me for sex
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
