the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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