my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
