worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
