what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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