I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
