I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
