K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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