I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
