So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
