U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
