Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
