My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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