..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
