I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
