in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
