At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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