dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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