At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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