saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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