My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
