Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
