I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
