proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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